You and Your Body

Harimau (in Indonesian—tiger) proved ruthlessly efficicient at killing rats. Unfortunately somewhere between the swaddling and the fish heads (though, what is an Indonesian cat that will not eat rice?) I managed to impress upon her something along the lines of: ‘I am your master. Share all kills with me.’ This resulted in the unfortunate tribute of precisely half of each kill being deposited at the foot of my bed. The bitch always kept the better half for herself; I always got the (uncomfortably lengthy) tail.

Anyways, the only thing that the cat proved more efficient at than exterminating was entertaining the fellas. Yes, soon after her arrival, our house became the hub of the gentleman-cat-caller circuit. It got bad. The constant barrage of seriously unsettling foreign sounds, feral cats breaking into our house (only to be chased out again by our broom-wielding superstar, Ibu), the term ‘tag-teamming’ making it into the constellation of my roommate’s dinner conversation repartee, all these things combined, precipitated this conversation:

‘So, ah, Harimau, I think we should talk.’
‘About what? Oh, nothing in particular, we just don’t talk like we used to. You used to tell me everything, remember? Best-est friends, right?’
‘Well, if you are not going to come out from behind the oven, I will just have to talk through it.’
‘So, I, umm, well, I couldn’t help but wonder, while I was going through the rubber tub of dirty water where we all wash our clothes, who these belonged to?’
‘Your silence is damning! To begin with, I find it hard to believe that these are even remotely comfortable! What’s more, what makes you think you are old enough for this? Who even bought you these?’
‘I am not ruining your life! And it is not just about the thong underpants! It is about the sullying of your good name and our fine home! I refuse to be merely a crash pad for the neighborhood harlot!’
‘Now, look, that was unfair, I am sorry I raised my voice. All I want to say is that I brought along these helpful little pamphlets: ‘Changing Bodies, Changing Kitties’ and ‘You’re not Crazy, You’re Just Polyestrous.’ There. See? They look pretty, ahh, crucial. Yep, very legit. Umm, you know, they seem pretty good, I, uh, learned stuff, uh, that I didn’t even know.’
‘Redundant? Don’t change the subject, young lady, or I’ll cuff you. I am going to leave these here and I expect you to read them and straighten up.’
‘I am glad we talked.’

I figure it should tide things over for the next few years.