i've been scooped

The more devoted of you may have noticed that the blog has been on a bit of a break of late. After the experience that I will presently unfold to you, it needed a bit of time to breathe.

I was browsing through the bookshop in Singapore’s Changi Airport and trying to decide if I was willing to shell out twelve Singapore dollars for a New Yorker (I wasn’t) when my eyes alighted on the jaunty looking paperback, Hardship Posting: True Tales of Expat Misadventures in Asia. On each cover of the series’ three volumes (and counting) is a walrus-mustached, knee sock encamped, floral shirt sporting, Rip Taylor look alike (clearly the publicity photographer misplaced his pith helmet that day) engaged in some sort of ensemble scene with two scantily clad Asian beauties—themes like Noodle House, Massage Parlor, or Beach Bar. I would have kept moving, but I was puzzled, mostly by the fact that they were all autographed copies.
Closer examination revealed a self described,

“A no-holes-barred romp through Asia! Great reading for the expat that can’t remember what he did last night, for once-were expats to remember what Asia was like, and for might-be expats to what they’re really getting themselves in for.”

Putting English Grammar aside, I was understandably disturbed. The back contained a fitting catalogue of the low-brow ‘misadventures’:

· What you maid might be doing with a jar of Vaseline and an Indian gentleman while you are at work!
· The guy who bought a Phuket bar with his AMEX!
· Confusing hair remover for lubricant!
· The guy who used rupiah notes for toilet paper!
· The guy who left a 500 baht tip under his wife’s pillow!

I know, it does sound like a rollicking ride, and one that, to be truthful, many expats that I have met could enthusiastically do you one more. Perhaps this is why I avoid hanging out with most expats. Yet while I have avoided blogging about all my boozing and whoring (at friendly exchange rates, no less), it gave me pause. True, some of you have had the pleasure of hearing about the continuing (seemingly interminable at times) misadventures of mas Zach, but how are my wacky ‘misadventures’ any different than something that is decidedly tasteless and unliterary (and makes me bitter that it has made it to three volumes)? Maybe I have been going about this all wrong? Give the people what they want: shitty grammar and VD!

Well, I tried to emulate during the break and I just can not seem to carry it off. This generation of pieces really lacked any verve (or any depth of research). Maybe in a few years, but for now you’re stuck with my writings about Nescafe and Vespas.