Inasfar as fiefdom, I think you bad crook

Apologies for not writing of late, but I have spent the last few days camping with three friends (my buddy, his girlfriend, and her friend) on an uninhabited island in the Java Sea about 80km north of anything. It certainly was interesting, but the shores were so strewn with human artifacts, from water bottles to flip flops to bottles of male virility elixirs, that it felt a bit inauthentic. All in all an interesting trip, from which I take some lessons learned.

First, when signing up to be abandoned on an island for any appreciable length of time, choose your companions wisely. Potentially mentally unstable Japanese girls are generally not a good idea. Nor are people who cannot swim, people who are afraid of the dark and doubly afraid of lightning in the dark, or people who ‘just don’t trust’ the tidal process and therefore need to keep watch through an open tent flap all night with a flashlight trained on the waves. People who will become upset to the point of biting another human being and then go on hunger strike (deep irony in there, no doubt) in part because you spend your days sleeping and reading instead of smoking and talking in Japanese about your ex-boyfriends should also be avoided. Anyone who when angry speaks in the third person and brandishes an empty two liter water bottle at any stray flora or fauna within reach.

Second, reconsider when a suggestion that more than 8 liters of water is brought for four people over four days is met with ‘We can’t because whatever we do she will get mad at me.’ Or, ‘Don’t worry, we can definitely rely on my solar powered cell phone charger.’

Third, in terms of culinary pursuits, instant noodles three meals a day is not nearly as terrible as it sounds. If you manage to offend someone by eating the salt with rice that they have prepared before they mold it into balls with their hands because, ‘it is not the same dish,’ begin weighing your strengths as a swimmer.

Fourth, when a suicidal salamander dashes itself into your cooking fire and your companion looks at you pleadingly and says, ‘Please don’t say anything. If the girls hear you they will be so angry at us,’ do not think, just swim.